Saving face (Opinion)

The first thing I see as I tumble out of our taxi in the middle of the Gangnam District in Seoul is a high-rise, cutting edge plastic surgery clinic. Next to it is our considerably smaller hotel, not nearly as modern or royal.

At family reunions, aunts I’ve only ever spoken a few words to smile and comment on how double-eyelid surgery, a procedure to create a fold in the upper eyelid to make eyes look bigger and more prominent, would look wonderful on me. As if going under the knife would solve all my problems. Surely, it would only be to my advantage, they say. I could get a better job, look less stereotypically Asian. Live a better life.

But how are my abilities as a person supposed to be validated by “aesthetic” bone structure? I never felt particularly insecure about my Asian features until I was told to. In Seoul, parents promise their children procedures after they take their college entrance exam. Pamphlets offer reviews of popular plastic surgery clinics.

And then, slowly, the seams in my self-esteem came undone. I started yearning for the “perfect” face seen in the giant ads plastered around subway stations. Sour disappointment ensued whenever I passed a full length mirror. I forgot how it felt to be happy in my own skin. The prospect of plastic surgery was anything but kind to me; this social stigma sat in my mouth like a midday fix of cold coffee. A part of my youth was stolen from me only to be somewhat returned through the help of my parents, who always reminded me to have a kind heart to others, but also to myself.

It took a while, but I found myself again. My mom collected funny stories throughout her day to tell me at night, when I was too tired to talk but awake enough to laugh. My dad complimented my writing when I most needed it, reminding me of how far I’ve come and how proud he is. Once I started pocketing these moments, I found myself soaking in novels, essays and poetry at 2 a.m. again. I was watching documentaries and reconnecting with my favorite films instead of Googling different types of eyelid surgeries. I focused on sculpting beauty within me that no knife could cut.

We should not frown upon women for wanting to change their looks; this is a personal decision. But sadly, too many people want to fix their flaws instead of learn to love them. The idea of beauty being used to get promotions, compete with other women and sugarcoat lacking skills is plaguing the young generation with unrealistic expectations and crippling their youth.

I don’t have large, round eyes. I don’t have a pointed nose, sharp chin or slim jaw. But I have a passion for writing, a love of books and a dream to one day live in New York City. So to my aunts: double-eyelid surgery would not look wonderful on me. That’s one graduation gift I will refuse, and I hope the perspective of beauty in Korean society will someday evolve to help you understand why.